I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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