So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
