Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
