her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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