Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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