i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
