She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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