I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
