so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
