Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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