When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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