I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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