i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
