I will die if light touches me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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