He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
