Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
