Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is Oprah even human
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
