He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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