My hand turned me down
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
