Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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