I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
