just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
