Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
