What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
