my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
