No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
