Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
