I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
