i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
