One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
