Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
