Already got asked if we're dating
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
