No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
