office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
