why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
