My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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