I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
