i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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