He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
