I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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