p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
