I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
