I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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