she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
