So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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