if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
