This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
