Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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