i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
