there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
