elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its liver damage thursday
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