yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
