i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
