And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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