I am in a vortex of obligation.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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