You're so nebulous sometimes
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
