I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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