I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
