SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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