If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
