I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
