im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
