I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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