I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
